Imagine if your boss, walks up to your desk and starts yelling at you to clean your desk. What thoughts would be going through your mind?
Are you crazy? Is yelling necessary? Calm down!
Now, think about how this experience would leave you feeling. Angry, frustrated, feeling a bit helpless because your boss has the “power”, feeling a bit inferior maybe?
Being Yelled at Sucks!
It’s an awful feeling to be yelled at. And keep in mind that as adults, we’re expected to handle problematic situations, confrontations, and our emotions better than our kids because we’re more equipped, more experienced. Yet, it still leaves our blood boiling.
So, why would we ever think it’s okay to yell at our kids and think nothing of it?
Our children deserve our respect. As parents, we lead by example. Therefore, how we treat them, is a lesson for them, on how to treat others. What are we teaching them when we yell? Disrespect and that lashing out is okay.
Be Respected not Feared
Yelling might be effective when your children are little but only because they’re afraid. And I think most parents want to be respected not feared. Also, how awful to teach young children that yelling at someone is acceptable or necessary.
They’ve Tuned You Out!
The older our children get the less and less effective yelling becomes because they learn to tune us out. So while we’re standing there yelling at our teens, they’ve already checked out. They’re not listening to the message that we’re trying to convey to them. So, isn’t that just a waste of time and energy for everyone involved? YES!
How we deliver a message will have a direct effect on the answer or outcome we get. So, if we get the urge to yell, we should take a step back and think for a moment. Resume with our children once we can communicate our message without yelling. It’s okay to say I’m angry or I feel disrespected because… i’ve asked you to clean your room several times. Talking to versus yelling at your children will definitely change the course of how and where the conversation goes.
Be Patient, Old Habits Are Hard to Quit
Keep in mind, if your son/daughter is 16 and you’ve always yelled at them, then that’s all they know. So it’s great if you decide to change the way you communicate with them and stop the yelling. But don’t be surprised if your kid doesn’t come around as quickly and continues to yell at you. Be patient and teach them how to communicate effectively without yelling by setting the example. They’ll come around. (Read why this is important on the following blog post, The Importance of Communication With Our Children.)
Listen to Your Children
Some parents have said to me, “I yell because he starts yelling”. I learned at the age of 16 that there is always hurt behind anger. So if your son/daughter is yelling. Listen! What are they angry/hurt about. There’s something more going on and you should take the time to find out and work through that.
Yelling back will only add fuel to the fire. The bigger the fire grows over time, the harder it is to put out because it’s already spread and done so much damage. This is when it becomes difficult (not impossible) for parents and children to work through problems, when the problems have existed for a long time.
Sometimes We Yell
I know it happens, sometimes we yell. But constantly reminding ourselves how ineffective and hurtful yelling is and also keeping at the forefront how important it is to respect our children may help us keep our yelling in check.
Thank You for Reading!
(Listening to: Way Down We Go-Kaleo)