Hey Girl, what kind of wake up call are you waiting for? Your kids need you now!
I’ve coached mothers who’ve felt that they’d lost control over their children. Mothers who felt their children pulling further and further away. And although there are many possibilities why something like this would occur, I’m going to focus on the mother who is choosing a romantic interest over her children.
But they don’t see it for themselves. Or maybe they don’t want to see it. Perhaps they are waiting for someone to come along and validate their actions by saying something like, “You are doing the right thing, your children are just acting out.”
Well that’s not what this blog will tell you and that’s also not what I said to any of the mothers I’ve worked with, where this was the cause for their children distancing themselves. I helped them see the truth after they signed on and agreed to want the truth. A simple truth, “You are putting a man before your children and that is not right.”
When I say before, I really do mean that. You don’t have time to listen to your children but you have time to be on the phone or go out with your love interest. You are not spending time with your children but you go out on dates with him. You are not giving your children any alone time because you always bring him along. He is always at your house, he sleeps over when he wants, he comes and goes as he pleases. You’ve lashed out at your kids because you feel that they are the problem. You’ve let your love interest interfere and you’ve allowed him to plant ugly thoughts in your head in regards to your children, or interfere in disciplining your children, or in the decision making that pertains to your children.
At this point many moms are probably reading this and thinking what kind of mom would allow this? Well, I’ve seen it time after time. In most cases this situation crept up into their lives and they allowed it almost unknowingly at first and by the time they had an inkling that something was off, they were too invested in the relationship.
You have a right to a good partner but not at the cost of your children.
When I separated from my daughter’s father, my daughter was 6 years old. When I began dating my now husband, he knew from the start that I had a daughter and that she was my world. And I meant it. A few months into dating, I asked him if he had told his family that I had a daughter. He hadn’t because it had never come up he said. My blood began to sizzle a bit. But calmly I told him that was not a question a mother normally asks, “So does she have any kids?” Yeah, I don’t think so. That information had to come from him. I told him that until he let his family know that I had a daughter I did not want to visit his family.
He told his family the next day. I think this showed his affection towards me and it showed him where my daughter stood for me.
This is something minor and although I can’t imagine it because my husband is such a great person, had I not made it clear that my daughter was not a secret, she was my joy, and she would not come second, I set the tone from the beginning. I set the bar high when it came to my daughter and he knew that from the start and accepted that. Like any great man would:)
I’m not perfect and I’m not always right. However, I did understand that no one else would have stood up for my little girl. It had to be me. He also didn’t meet my daughter until 1 year and 1/2 into our relationship. I wanted to make sure that it was something worth mentioning and not just a fling, I needed to make sure that he was a good person, and gain trust because introducing him to my daughter was a big deal to me. I wanted to make sure my daughter wasn’t just meeting any random guy.
Mothers, you need to give your children the place that they deserve. No man is worth losing your children’s trust, respect, your special bond with them, or their love. These little humans need us and count on us. You set the tone for any man that comes into your life and anything that happens is because you are allowing it to happen.
Sometimes it takes courage to make an impactful and positive change. But no one else can make that life changing decision but you. Choosing a new man over your children should be unheard of. And if your current love interest is not treating your children right, get rid of him!
I’m not judging you here. I am however trying to be as real with you as possible. Wake up, PLEASE before it’s too late. You will never regret investing in your children and they will never forget it. Your love and time is what your children need to help them thrive, do it for them. And trust that if not today, one day in your future; you’ll thank yourself for choosing your children.
Thank You for Reading
(Listening to: Wake Up Alone- Amy Winehouse)